I think this all started when i went to the ER for my heart racing at 180-200 bpm. Long story short I wasn't taking care of my self well and at the same time I was dealing with lots of stress. That day I thought I was going to die and I was praying to God over and over again to let me live and I'll be a better this or a better that.
I need to learn to deny my self and take up to cross. I need to learn to really give up my life to God. Literally. If I live i live for the lord and if I die I die for the lord. I'm holding to this world too much and I must learn to give my life up and look up to his kingdom.
Father,
I have no idea what to do. I'm so scared all the time because I don't know what is to come. I'm afraid I wont live past 40.
Please Lord take this cup from me. Let me already die in you so that even if I do die nothing will scare me. Teach me how to let go of everything to you. I can't do it by my self and I have no idea what to even do. I am so lost and scared but teach me to trust you. Teach me to be more obiedient to your word and spend more time with you God. Thank you Father. In Jesus name. Amen
