Doing it wrong.

Life by the Spirit

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited,provoking and envying each other.

Have you ever been in a situation where you finally realize that this whole time you've been doing something absolutely wrong? Well, this has just happened to me. Long story short I've been taking God's love and God's grace for granted.

My name is Chun kit Lam i once thought i was a good christian because I'm a overall nice guy who helps his friends every once a while, helps the homeless, show people love, claimed that i loved God. Theres a deeper darkness about me though, my name is Chunkit Lam and I've been a blind sinner who's been abusing the grace of God. I completely misunderstood God's "Love one another as i have loved you command". I thought now if i just loved everyone i would be ok and that was pleasing to God. Do not get me wrong i always knew that it is not by my deeds that i will get into heaven but i figured let me just love people and one day my sins will change and i will be a better man.

My name is Chunkit lam and recently i realized how terrible i was abusing the grace of God. I had the thought of its easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask permission. I am a great sinner, i lie, steal, greed, sexually immoral, lust, lazy, and much more. But..... i Love God.... i know its very hypocritical....but its the truth.....

I make myself sound like a big deal with worldly things. The funny thing is that i am very scared to die. I had a incident a few years back where i almost died and ever since then I've been very scared of dying. I want to go to heaven and i cannot wait to see God but i didn't want to die. Im so scared of hell, the thought of having to suffer every second for the rest of eternity is so unbearable for me.

Its so hard to go to the Father.... thats why i understand now how much we really need Jesus. My sins are so wretched.... i cannot present myself to my father who has been so good to me and provided for me. But for some odd reason i can go to Jesus now i understand why Jesus is so important.

Father.....

I'm so sorry....i love you so much and i hope you love me more. Ive been messed up seeking so many things of this world and taking your grace for granted but i am done with excuses. God please change my heart, please make me pure, free, and Holy through you're son and spirit. I need your help...if not i will surely die....forgive me....and change me. Please Lord.

Greatness that fails.

I want to be great, I think I am great and sometimes I get upset when I cannot be great or there are things holding me back from being great. Least greatness in the way of the worlds.

I have became this power hungry monster but at the same time I call me self a child of God and tries to remain humble in the things that I do. I am humble until someone brings me down and when that happens I am furious and my boat rocks. But what if that brings me down is not someone or something but myself? How do I fix that? How do I fight the that all brings me down.

I tell myself I own a business, a few businesses, a decent car, great family, a dog, and even a beautiful girlfriend and soon to be fiancé. I tell myself I am great and I can do many things. Amongst all these things something is weighing my joy down.

I have been wanting to buy a new car but yet I have found a clear reason why. Is it the prestige? Is it bragging rights? 

When people bring me down I get upset for example my uncle when he shows authority over me I get so upset . I start telling myself aren't I a boss too? Wouldn't I have as much of a day as he does? I'm getting older and he has no right to talk to me like that. 

But what is its myself that's holding me down? I tell myself I am great but why am I always scared of dying? What's going on inside of me? O my soul, what troubles you so much that you may not let me sleep? Why am I so paranoid of my life? Is it God who cursed me with this to keep me in place? But what if it's Gods blessing in disguise? 

Today h realized how far I've gone from the lord. God gave something so simple and most important in life and very thing is life and breath itself. I will never understand anything, I will never understand why I am the way I am. How can insist I love God when I do all these terrible things and think the way I do? But the truth is that I love Jesus but I'm so bad..... I'm terrible and disgusting to be doing al these things and acting this disgusting.

I am hugging my father while I'm stabbing him in his back and spitting on his face.

My god my god my god.... This emptiness is unbearable... I'm trying all these things but fill myself but it does not fit. Is the hole too big? Please fill this hole and let me realize everything that ice received is from you. I live and I die for you. Teach me lord to live for you... And if I do die right now let me die in peace. lord you give and take away, please do not hold on to what I will one day eventually lose. 

I'm so sad God.... I'm so mad.....I'm so scared.... I'm so lost.... Come save me. 

My God who has died for me teach me how to die not only for you by to you.

Scared of death and scared to death.

PI've learned something very scary about my self... I've learned that I'm very scared of dying and losing all the things of this world. Wether it's something of possessions or my future with a happy family.

I think this all started when i went to the ER for my heart racing at 180-200 bpm. Long story short I wasn't taking care of my self well and at the same time I was dealing with lots of stress. That day I thought I was going to die and I was praying to God over and over again to let me live and I'll be a better this or a better that.

I need to learn to deny my self and take up to cross. I need to learn to really give up my life to God. Literally. If I live i live for the lord and if I die I die for the lord. I'm holding to this world too much and I must learn to give my life up and look up to his kingdom.

Father,

I have no idea what to do. I'm so scared all the time because I don't know what is to come. I'm afraid I wont live past 40.

Please Lord take this cup from me. Let me already die in you so that even if I do die nothing will scare me. Teach me how to let go of everything to you. I can't do it by my self and I have no idea what to even do. I am so lost and scared but teach me to trust you. Teach me to be more obiedient to your word and spend more time with you God. Thank you Father. In Jesus name. Amen

The God who never lets me go.

God, I missed you. Once again I'm distracted and once again through a single cry I am back in your arms. I feel like a child when ever I am in your presence, but I feel so good being held by you. Father I love you. Thank you Christ. I love you.

Much work to be done and is coming.

This morning I came upon a very very interesting verse which was:

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

Just when I thought I was ok and good I realized that I had much work to be done by God. Although this time it's a bit different, I am lacking but I feel full at the same time. I feel blessed knowing that Gods plan for me is to become greater than I am right now. I love this verse, because it has a beautiful promise.

Let's break it down a little bit.

The 1st part says we were gods handiwork, I don't know about you but this feels pretty darn good to me. God in this first part reassures us that we are his creation and only good comes out of God. It feels pretty good that we can say the god who created earth space and heaven is the same god who fashioned us.

The 2nd part says "created in Jesus Christ to do good works". I'm not a theologen but I feel like this part means we can only do good things in Christ or Christ in us. It makes sense, because we are sinners but were made pure in the blood of Christ. It doesn't make sense or doesn't have much value if a serial killer donated to the poor. Will his good deeds even count? Will his good deeds can even be consider good? Therefore it is impossible for any good to come out of us because we are all killers, and only can, by being washed nothing but the blood of Jesus.

The 3rd part is a promise of God. It says "which God prepared in advance for us to do". This is a big relief for all of us, because many times we just wonder how can any good come out of us. Then there are times where we try and try but we fail and fail. In this 3rd part god says he has planned us in advance to do great works. Do not fear brothers and sisters great things are going to be done through those who believe.

Ephesians 2:10 

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (We were fashioned by the Father, through the blood of Christ made good, and through Christ it is inevitable that good will come out of us for it is Gods will.)

God, just when I thought I was good you humbled me again by holding and loving me. What ever that is needed to made good please have your way. Help me stay hopeful and remember that if you are with me non can be against me. Help me remember my life was paid for through thr price of God and my identity is you and none alone. I love you. In Christ name, Amen.

Big, and so grand to the small.

Isaiah 40:21-31
Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was founded? He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,and spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground,than he blows on them and they wither,and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. “To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name.Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel,“My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know?Have you not heard?The Lord is the everlasting God,the Creator of the ends of the earth.He will not grow tired or weary,and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the wearyand increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lordwill renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. 

I don't think being a Christian is very easy. When we become a christian we begin to inherit not only the problems of the world but the kingdoms problems as well. What I believe can be the most difficult is waiting on God. Since God is so big lets just focus on the last verse. It says "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint." When it says to hope in The Lord it's basically just to wait, and to trust in The Lord. 

This is most difficult because it pretty much goes for everything in our lives. Is God coming? Is God real? When will god answer me? What will he say? To, should I get this job or even does God want me to date this girl/guy? There are a vast amount of reason to hope, wait, and trust in the Lord. I personally still have lots of trouble with this. Trusting God becomes very difficult in a time where even the very second cannot be repeated, and opportunities cannot come around for a second time. How about even being distant from God? When God seems distant we get so cold and bitter because we feel abandoned. Do not blame your self for feeling this way, because we are made to long for a savior and a relationship with God.

We keep talking about how difficult it is to trust in God, so then how will we ever trust in him. Let's start with something you and I both can all grasp. Let's put it in more practical terms, how can you really trust me or someone else. From what I know, the only way we can really trust someone is knowing who they are and what they are capable of. Above all these important things I must have a relationship with them and a promise from them. Especially if I'm trusting them with my life. I believe it goes the same for God, there's no way we can really trust in him until we really know him, how grand he is, and what he is capable of. 

So let's take some time to size God down, or should I say up. Besides the fact is God is huge, let's not forget how big his word is as well. Not only do we sometimes go through the bible at a millions pages per second, we also need to realize the living word of God is actually living so therefore even a sentence in the word is too much for us to bare. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is we really need to slow down and actually swallow what it really is. For example.

"King of all kings"
He is literally the king of all kings. If you think the president of the United States is a powerful man with the military in his command, just think of how much more grand God is if he is the king of the US president as well other kings.

"The maker of the heavens and earth"
You really need to look up and see how big and beautiful it is. This morning you woke up and went to work or school it took a big chunk of time to commute. It's pretty pathetic that you didn't even cover a germ size of the earth.

"God is all knowing"
 Besides you the fact that you know so little, think about how little you know about the one you truly believe in and call your God.

"God is good all the time, and all the time god is good"
Before we go any further into this section, you really need look at your self and see how bad you really are. You need to know that you are not good at all, that in order to save you God did not sacrifice a cattle or a sheep. In order to save you from hell he had to sacrifice his son. So basically in order to save you, a God had to be sacrificed for your sins. After realizing this there is not way you can say you are good, but God is good because not only Christ was crucified, but we must not forget LOVE was crucified. Therefore God is good.

"God is glorious"
Let's first understand what it means to be glorious or the term of glory. This is what www.dictionary.com defines it. "Glorious:brilliantly beautiful or magnificent; splendid." I'm sure you've seen the ocean, the stars in the sky, the grand mountains that points to the heaven, to the birth of a new life and we say to our selves "wow that is beautiful". Think about how more beautiful, brilliant, and splendid the maker of all that is. Remember, every make, has a make-er.

"Jesus loves you"
Out if all these that we've  heard. This is probably the most important one and one that we heard the most. It's really no joke, you really need to sit down and think about how much he loves you. Lets not talk about Christ dying for you and saving you from your sins, but let's talk about the blessing he has put in your life. This morning you woke up, you had water to bathe, clothes to wear, food to eat, job or education, money to spend, home to go to, and finally family and friends who loves you and to fallback to.

1. This morning you woke up. You need to understand how many people died today, but you! You woke up this morning. Blessed are you.
2. You had water to bathe. We are not even talking about water to drink, blessed are you who even has the water to bathe, where others die from thirst everyday.
3. Clothes to wear. As soon as Adam ate the fruit he became aware of his nakedness and became very shameful. You are not naked, so let's just end it there.
4. Food to eat. If you feel hungry because you haven't ate for a whole day, you need to understand there are people who go for days with out eating. We live in a country where hunger is not a adjective but a metaphor. Blessed are you who can have a warm meal when ever you want.
5. A job and a education. Even amongst the privilege who can eat, bathe and wear clothes, most do not have these two. Blessed are you who has a better circumstance.
6. Family and friends who loves you. Without love life is dead, nothing has meaning. One can't simply love them self but only possible with others. Without love, there is no hope, and if you do not have hope, everyday you'll want to die.

My brothers and sisters, I am NOT saying all this because I am well but I am saying all of this because I am not well. I struggle trusting in God daily. So before we jump into the fire and blindly trust God you must first know he is grand, he is capable, and he has a promise for us. Know this. Don't feel like after reading this you know, but my brothers and sisters you must KNOW this or else your trust and your hope in The Lord will fall. Take some time as I am trying to do everyday to really know who God is, I am getting better everyday, and start to trust him a little more and more everyday. The most applicable way to do this, is really understand how hard it is for us, and pray to God to help us. Pray with me.

God, I've tried and tried and have failed. I say I put you first and follow you throughout my life only to find out when times get tough i take control once again. O how have I failed with my own ways, but still not have learned. God, teach me how to trust my life to you who put every single star in their place. I am worried, I am worried because I will fail not only you but my self, I am worried that I will lose sight of you because my lack of belief. Please help me God I've failed and failed, I am done with failing. Please, not only Teach me trust you with my life but teach me to trust you on changing me to trust you with my life. I love you. In Christ name, Amen.

I don't know why I love him...I can't see him, or touch him, but I love him.

1 Peter 1:8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 

This joy that is in my heart. What is it? Maybe a better question is why? The love of Christ and our love for Christ is just unexplainable. Recently my life has changed 180 degrees, I was lost but found in God. I walked all the days with my head down. Now I am marching towards the kingdom with my chest out and chin up. 

I have found my indentity in Christ Jesus. He is good. I feel like nothing can bring me down because Christ never changes. I was encouraged my Tim Keller to wake up everyday and re-live the gospel and be reminded of everyday what Christ has done for you and what you have done to Christ. I've been doing this for a few weeks now and it has helped me a lot. I guess it's because we are forgetful beings and we that constant reminder. By doing this I've learned to die to my self and not worry about a single thing. I've learned that my identity is in Christ and there isn't a thing that can changed that. My emotions will not be tossed and turned by the things of this world. 

I've fallen in such deep love for God. Everyday he's becoming more and more real to me. Trusting him and staying away from sin is becoming much easier. It all makes sense now, this whole time I've been trying to put my trust in God and it's failed terribly because how can you really put your trust in someone until you really know who that person is. When it comes to sin, instead of a law we must keep it's had become much easier just pleasing God. The best example is when I was child my parents used to ask us to do chores and I dreaded it, doing the bare minimum until they said its done and I would run back to what I was doing. Then there would be times when they were away I cleaned up the whole house and even went the extra mile to surprise them when they came back. And when they did, how much were they pleased.

This verse on top really makes me wonder and it reminds me of a mothers love. Did you know you can ask anyone the reason they love someone or love something, and they can always find a reason to give you? Except if you were to ask a mother why she loves her child. If anything this would baffle her, because she probably doesn't know. All she knows is that she just loves her child no matter what. God is good, and according to this verse the author of Peter if saying though you have not seen him, you love him and you will not be able to explain this joy you have from loving him.

 

God, you are good but I am horrible. Though we are good now, I know some where down the road I will fail horribly and go back to square one. Please, I can't do it on my own. Keep me strong everyday and be reminded of who you are. I love you. In Christ name, Amen.