I don't know why I love him...I can't see him, or touch him, but I love him.

1 Peter 1:8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 

This joy that is in my heart. What is it? Maybe a better question is why? The love of Christ and our love for Christ is just unexplainable. Recently my life has changed 180 degrees, I was lost but found in God. I walked all the days with my head down. Now I am marching towards the kingdom with my chest out and chin up. 

I have found my indentity in Christ Jesus. He is good. I feel like nothing can bring me down because Christ never changes. I was encouraged my Tim Keller to wake up everyday and re-live the gospel and be reminded of everyday what Christ has done for you and what you have done to Christ. I've been doing this for a few weeks now and it has helped me a lot. I guess it's because we are forgetful beings and we that constant reminder. By doing this I've learned to die to my self and not worry about a single thing. I've learned that my identity is in Christ and there isn't a thing that can changed that. My emotions will not be tossed and turned by the things of this world. 

I've fallen in such deep love for God. Everyday he's becoming more and more real to me. Trusting him and staying away from sin is becoming much easier. It all makes sense now, this whole time I've been trying to put my trust in God and it's failed terribly because how can you really put your trust in someone until you really know who that person is. When it comes to sin, instead of a law we must keep it's had become much easier just pleasing God. The best example is when I was child my parents used to ask us to do chores and I dreaded it, doing the bare minimum until they said its done and I would run back to what I was doing. Then there would be times when they were away I cleaned up the whole house and even went the extra mile to surprise them when they came back. And when they did, how much were they pleased.

This verse on top really makes me wonder and it reminds me of a mothers love. Did you know you can ask anyone the reason they love someone or love something, and they can always find a reason to give you? Except if you were to ask a mother why she loves her child. If anything this would baffle her, because she probably doesn't know. All she knows is that she just loves her child no matter what. God is good, and according to this verse the author of Peter if saying though you have not seen him, you love him and you will not be able to explain this joy you have from loving him.

 

God, you are good but I am horrible. Though we are good now, I know some where down the road I will fail horribly and go back to square one. Please, I can't do it on my own. Keep me strong everyday and be reminded of who you are. I love you. In Christ name, Amen.

Love, grace and all can't be escaped.

Im starting to see a few of my friends start to interest about God. This brings much joy to my heart. Why? I must say I don't know. It's very strange to me. Maybe I am literally blessed because I see them being with me in eternity.

I was thinking to my self, though there are so much evil in this world. God is doing amazing thing things everyday. His grace is forever willing and his love no one can escape from. 

We disobey our maker, spay on him, hung him and killed him. Then he forgives us! How can we hate the one who forgives us for wronging him. One day, all will believe. 

This brings much hot to my heart. Join the club I say. There is no cover, it is paid for, just come on in a try it out. Our members will take care of you, and make sure you come hungry because we love feeding you. Blessed are the poor and meek!!! For there is the kingdom of heaven!!!!!!!!

Wooooot woooot woooooot wooooot woot victory!!!!!! God has own and we are on the winning team!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhh goo crazyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

Father, keep me close to you and never let me go. I'm probably doing everything wrong but you're doing eveything right and I'll just follow and not worry!!!!!! My o my this cross is heavy, but what a blessing to have you carrying it with me. I love you <3.

Dying to myself.

As the weeks go by of me getting back to track with Christ, I'm starting to see that I am dying to my self. Slowly but surely. I take it in a different perspective now. I used to see dying to my self as not caring for what I want and only seek for Gods kingdom. I realize that this way was completely wrong and so difficult and God himself wants to bless us as well not only in heaven but the things in this world.

 

So instead of not caring for my desires and driving my self crazy, now I just let God take the wheel. There are plenty of things that I want material or relationship, but now I'm not worried. This time is very different, I let him take the wheel and I'm not worried at all. I am 95% convinced that he will take care of me. Only reason why I say 95 instead of 100 is because I know I will fail and I know there will be times that I will doubt.

There will be days that are difficult, and everyday God will be there to knock on my door to remind me. 

Wow this freedom feels amazing though, not having to worry what will happen to me. This sense of peace that nothing else can offer.

Gods been good, and I pray that he will continue to work with me. It is definTely I who is changing me but him. I'm beginning to be more graceful, kind, and more aware of my sins and try to stay away from them. This time not because of obeyin laws and commands but pleasing him. I guess the best analogy is cleaning the house, God is my father and wants me to clean the house for him. I used to see it as a chore but now while he's away I clean up everything even go the extra mile so he can come home and be so pleased with me.

God, i say all these things under humility at the same time, because I am scared that I might fail. Keep me strong and everyday help me re-live the Gospel and remind me who you really are and who I really am to you. Remind me I am your son and you are well pleased. Help me trust you with all that I have and all that I want. If I want to go left but your will for me is to go right tug my heart gently and lead me. Thank you father, in your sons name i pray. Amen.

The God who brings.

Instead of "deliver" lets put it in terms where it's simple. Let use bring, and our god brings. This morning I stumbled upon a song that was so true especially for me right now.

[VERSE 1]

Oh you bring hope to the hopeless

And light to those in the darkness

And death to life

Now I’m alive

Oh You gives peace to the restless

And joy to homes that are broken

I see You now

In You I’m found

[CHORUS]

And You opened the door for me

And you laid down

Your life to set me free

All that I am will serve You Lord

And You opened my eyes to see

All the wonder and awe of Christ in me

Jesus You’re everything I need

[VERSE 2]

Oh you fill those who are empty

And rescue those in the valley

And through it all You calm my soul

Oh you find me in my weakness

And heal the wounds of my heartache

I worship You in spirit and truth

[BRIDGE]

All honour

All glory

All praise to You

I'm beginning to realize walking with God isn't always a time where you jump for joy. Im getting better, I feel that not only I am getting better, but I am getting better than I ever was. God is good, let's just end it here for today.

Colossians 2:9-10 

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. 

New day, new hope

Good morning, thank God there are new days. I woke up this morning feeling very new ans refreshed. I realized something interesting, maybe god allows you to stumble; but never trampled, lets you wounded, but never die. 

I begin to see a change of attitude this morning, instead of talking, commanding, thinking, and wondering. I am listening from the sounds of traffic to the tracks of Gods praise. I begin to realize that even the sounds of traffic screams gods love for us. If there are sounds, that means that there are life. Gods grandness makes me feel at peace, I am in the hands of greatness. He who commands all things and controls all things in the heavens and all of the world holds my heart at well.

Recently I remembered watching a video on Facebook and someone said "universe, uni means one and verse means say". In genesis God said let there be light and the heavens and the earth was made. From the breath of God we were made, he controls all things and according to him nothing can change without his permission.

Yes, today is a new day. My joy is coming back to me, joy to the most simplest things,I looked at the storm and rain last night and I said "everything is beautiful". I'm getting better, now I just have to make sure I turn the pages and let god write in it.

I am done trying, I am done trying to be right, I am done telling God what to do, and I am done with these feelings of mine. Who I am, is more than what my emotions make me feel like. My identity is in Christ and he doesn't change, therefore I should not either.

Thank you Abba,

Hillsong United-Rest in you

I dont know how later will be, but as of now i am good and i will cherish this moment

Hillsong United-Rest in you (on repeat)


Your faithfullness endures always
Where mountains fall and reason fails
And You calm the raging seas
And You calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in You
All I know is I find rest in You

My heart will praise throughout the night
Where singing seems a sacrifice
Your grace is all I need
Your grace is all I need

Broken, and can be only fixed by maker.

I started being on fire, where all I wanted to do was to serve God, please god and be close to God. Then, the fire went away and lived a average mediocre life. After some time I got cold, I was slipping away from God, what mattered to me before didn't matter as much. Then, I started to become unhappy, the joy I once had was gone. This time was a little bit different besides my joy in Christ was fading away my personal joy was also gone. And now, now I am upset, sad, and angry hurting my family and friends. I am not aware of what I do. I don't know why I feel this sense of resentment or bitterness. I feel like I need to control everything and the harder I try to hold on something the more it slips out of my hand.

I feel so broken I feel that I'm not doing anything I was called to do or anything that is close. I don't know how I am broken, what made me become like this and what it is I can do to fix it. All I know is that this problem can be only fixed by God himself. 

Everyday I hope for signs from God, I force my self to look out for signs of him, answers, encouragement, but can't find anything. I tried to obey and force myself to read amongst his words maybe something will tell me what it is and speaks to me. 

What fears me the most is that it is getting worst, more bitterness, sadness, anger, and judgementalness. Just today a friend confronted me about my reckless behavior, and I realized I needed a time out. They have done nothing wrong to me but I am so ungrateful. These burst of anger and rage gets me into trouble, I say words that I can't take back. What was once the loving character in me is now gone. I find people's mistake and I hurt them for it. Maybe I'm so weak myself, so weak that I feel like if I point out the wrongs of others I might feel a little bit less vulnerable.

Loneliness, the level of loneliness that I feel is unbearable. I search for acknowledgement to fill that space, when I am satisfied it becomes a drug for me until my next fix. When I am let down I become like a storm destroying everything in my way including my self. I tell my self that I am in control and it feels amazing, but now I realize I am not in control at all. I tried to control others but my soul is raging inside me, it is recklessly bouncing back and fourth. The irony of trying to control others, when I have no control at all in my self.

These Christian songs, these wonderful sermons, these daily verses, and these words of wisdom from friends. They give me faith and hope, but the hope withers away like melting ice in the sun. Yes, yes that is exactly what it is, my hope is ice, and what ever my problem is, it acts as a scorching sun. It is ready to not only melt me away, but completely dry me out.

I tell my self maybe this loneliness I feel is because I am single without a mate, and this feeling will eventually go away once I am settled down. But no, no a mate will be enough. These feels, these holes, these scars, this unsatisfacation can be only filled by God. Broken, and can only be fixed by my maker.

O joy of mine, where have you gone to? O God of mine, when will you come for me? O heart of mine, how much more can you bare? 

God, hear my cry, and see my wounds. I am in desperate need of you. What ever that is broken cannot function, and what ever that is broken can not be used and must be thrown away. Please save me from this that I know not of. I believe, I do believe that you are greater than all these. Show me your heart for me, let me put my fingers through your wounds, and let me look through

your punctured hand. I am weak God and cannot stand, please carry me and treat me like a child. In Christ name, Amen.