Dying to myself.

As the weeks go by of me getting back to track with Christ, I'm starting to see that I am dying to my self. Slowly but surely. I take it in a different perspective now. I used to see dying to my self as not caring for what I want and only seek for Gods kingdom. I realize that this way was completely wrong and so difficult and God himself wants to bless us as well not only in heaven but the things in this world.

 

So instead of not caring for my desires and driving my self crazy, now I just let God take the wheel. There are plenty of things that I want material or relationship, but now I'm not worried. This time is very different, I let him take the wheel and I'm not worried at all. I am 95% convinced that he will take care of me. Only reason why I say 95 instead of 100 is because I know I will fail and I know there will be times that I will doubt.

There will be days that are difficult, and everyday God will be there to knock on my door to remind me. 

Wow this freedom feels amazing though, not having to worry what will happen to me. This sense of peace that nothing else can offer.

Gods been good, and I pray that he will continue to work with me. It is definTely I who is changing me but him. I'm beginning to be more graceful, kind, and more aware of my sins and try to stay away from them. This time not because of obeyin laws and commands but pleasing him. I guess the best analogy is cleaning the house, God is my father and wants me to clean the house for him. I used to see it as a chore but now while he's away I clean up everything even go the extra mile so he can come home and be so pleased with me.

God, i say all these things under humility at the same time, because I am scared that I might fail. Keep me strong and everyday help me re-live the Gospel and remind me who you really are and who I really am to you. Remind me I am your son and you are well pleased. Help me trust you with all that I have and all that I want. If I want to go left but your will for me is to go right tug my heart gently and lead me. Thank you father, in your sons name i pray. Amen.