The God who never lets me go.

God, I missed you. Once again I'm distracted and once again through a single cry I am back in your arms. I feel like a child when ever I am in your presence, but I feel so good being held by you. Father I love you. Thank you Christ. I love you.

Much work to be done and is coming.

This morning I came upon a very very interesting verse which was:

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

Just when I thought I was ok and good I realized that I had much work to be done by God. Although this time it's a bit different, I am lacking but I feel full at the same time. I feel blessed knowing that Gods plan for me is to become greater than I am right now. I love this verse, because it has a beautiful promise.

Let's break it down a little bit.

The 1st part says we were gods handiwork, I don't know about you but this feels pretty darn good to me. God in this first part reassures us that we are his creation and only good comes out of God. It feels pretty good that we can say the god who created earth space and heaven is the same god who fashioned us.

The 2nd part says "created in Jesus Christ to do good works". I'm not a theologen but I feel like this part means we can only do good things in Christ or Christ in us. It makes sense, because we are sinners but were made pure in the blood of Christ. It doesn't make sense or doesn't have much value if a serial killer donated to the poor. Will his good deeds even count? Will his good deeds can even be consider good? Therefore it is impossible for any good to come out of us because we are all killers, and only can, by being washed nothing but the blood of Jesus.

The 3rd part is a promise of God. It says "which God prepared in advance for us to do". This is a big relief for all of us, because many times we just wonder how can any good come out of us. Then there are times where we try and try but we fail and fail. In this 3rd part god says he has planned us in advance to do great works. Do not fear brothers and sisters great things are going to be done through those who believe.

Ephesians 2:10 

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (We were fashioned by the Father, through the blood of Christ made good, and through Christ it is inevitable that good will come out of us for it is Gods will.)

God, just when I thought I was good you humbled me again by holding and loving me. What ever that is needed to made good please have your way. Help me stay hopeful and remember that if you are with me non can be against me. Help me remember my life was paid for through thr price of God and my identity is you and none alone. I love you. In Christ name, Amen.

Big, and so grand to the small.

Isaiah 40:21-31
Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was founded? He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,and spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground,than he blows on them and they wither,and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. “To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name.Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel,“My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know?Have you not heard?The Lord is the everlasting God,the Creator of the ends of the earth.He will not grow tired or weary,and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the wearyand increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lordwill renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. 

I don't think being a Christian is very easy. When we become a christian we begin to inherit not only the problems of the world but the kingdoms problems as well. What I believe can be the most difficult is waiting on God. Since God is so big lets just focus on the last verse. It says "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint." When it says to hope in The Lord it's basically just to wait, and to trust in The Lord. 

This is most difficult because it pretty much goes for everything in our lives. Is God coming? Is God real? When will god answer me? What will he say? To, should I get this job or even does God want me to date this girl/guy? There are a vast amount of reason to hope, wait, and trust in the Lord. I personally still have lots of trouble with this. Trusting God becomes very difficult in a time where even the very second cannot be repeated, and opportunities cannot come around for a second time. How about even being distant from God? When God seems distant we get so cold and bitter because we feel abandoned. Do not blame your self for feeling this way, because we are made to long for a savior and a relationship with God.

We keep talking about how difficult it is to trust in God, so then how will we ever trust in him. Let's start with something you and I both can all grasp. Let's put it in more practical terms, how can you really trust me or someone else. From what I know, the only way we can really trust someone is knowing who they are and what they are capable of. Above all these important things I must have a relationship with them and a promise from them. Especially if I'm trusting them with my life. I believe it goes the same for God, there's no way we can really trust in him until we really know him, how grand he is, and what he is capable of. 

So let's take some time to size God down, or should I say up. Besides the fact is God is huge, let's not forget how big his word is as well. Not only do we sometimes go through the bible at a millions pages per second, we also need to realize the living word of God is actually living so therefore even a sentence in the word is too much for us to bare. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is we really need to slow down and actually swallow what it really is. For example.

"King of all kings"
He is literally the king of all kings. If you think the president of the United States is a powerful man with the military in his command, just think of how much more grand God is if he is the king of the US president as well other kings.

"The maker of the heavens and earth"
You really need to look up and see how big and beautiful it is. This morning you woke up and went to work or school it took a big chunk of time to commute. It's pretty pathetic that you didn't even cover a germ size of the earth.

"God is all knowing"
 Besides you the fact that you know so little, think about how little you know about the one you truly believe in and call your God.

"God is good all the time, and all the time god is good"
Before we go any further into this section, you really need look at your self and see how bad you really are. You need to know that you are not good at all, that in order to save you God did not sacrifice a cattle or a sheep. In order to save you from hell he had to sacrifice his son. So basically in order to save you, a God had to be sacrificed for your sins. After realizing this there is not way you can say you are good, but God is good because not only Christ was crucified, but we must not forget LOVE was crucified. Therefore God is good.

"God is glorious"
Let's first understand what it means to be glorious or the term of glory. This is what www.dictionary.com defines it. "Glorious:brilliantly beautiful or magnificent; splendid." I'm sure you've seen the ocean, the stars in the sky, the grand mountains that points to the heaven, to the birth of a new life and we say to our selves "wow that is beautiful". Think about how more beautiful, brilliant, and splendid the maker of all that is. Remember, every make, has a make-er.

"Jesus loves you"
Out if all these that we've  heard. This is probably the most important one and one that we heard the most. It's really no joke, you really need to sit down and think about how much he loves you. Lets not talk about Christ dying for you and saving you from your sins, but let's talk about the blessing he has put in your life. This morning you woke up, you had water to bathe, clothes to wear, food to eat, job or education, money to spend, home to go to, and finally family and friends who loves you and to fallback to.

1. This morning you woke up. You need to understand how many people died today, but you! You woke up this morning. Blessed are you.
2. You had water to bathe. We are not even talking about water to drink, blessed are you who even has the water to bathe, where others die from thirst everyday.
3. Clothes to wear. As soon as Adam ate the fruit he became aware of his nakedness and became very shameful. You are not naked, so let's just end it there.
4. Food to eat. If you feel hungry because you haven't ate for a whole day, you need to understand there are people who go for days with out eating. We live in a country where hunger is not a adjective but a metaphor. Blessed are you who can have a warm meal when ever you want.
5. A job and a education. Even amongst the privilege who can eat, bathe and wear clothes, most do not have these two. Blessed are you who has a better circumstance.
6. Family and friends who loves you. Without love life is dead, nothing has meaning. One can't simply love them self but only possible with others. Without love, there is no hope, and if you do not have hope, everyday you'll want to die.

My brothers and sisters, I am NOT saying all this because I am well but I am saying all of this because I am not well. I struggle trusting in God daily. So before we jump into the fire and blindly trust God you must first know he is grand, he is capable, and he has a promise for us. Know this. Don't feel like after reading this you know, but my brothers and sisters you must KNOW this or else your trust and your hope in The Lord will fall. Take some time as I am trying to do everyday to really know who God is, I am getting better everyday, and start to trust him a little more and more everyday. The most applicable way to do this, is really understand how hard it is for us, and pray to God to help us. Pray with me.

God, I've tried and tried and have failed. I say I put you first and follow you throughout my life only to find out when times get tough i take control once again. O how have I failed with my own ways, but still not have learned. God, teach me how to trust my life to you who put every single star in their place. I am worried, I am worried because I will fail not only you but my self, I am worried that I will lose sight of you because my lack of belief. Please help me God I've failed and failed, I am done with failing. Please, not only Teach me trust you with my life but teach me to trust you on changing me to trust you with my life. I love you. In Christ name, Amen.

I don't know why I love him...I can't see him, or touch him, but I love him.

1 Peter 1:8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 

This joy that is in my heart. What is it? Maybe a better question is why? The love of Christ and our love for Christ is just unexplainable. Recently my life has changed 180 degrees, I was lost but found in God. I walked all the days with my head down. Now I am marching towards the kingdom with my chest out and chin up. 

I have found my indentity in Christ Jesus. He is good. I feel like nothing can bring me down because Christ never changes. I was encouraged my Tim Keller to wake up everyday and re-live the gospel and be reminded of everyday what Christ has done for you and what you have done to Christ. I've been doing this for a few weeks now and it has helped me a lot. I guess it's because we are forgetful beings and we that constant reminder. By doing this I've learned to die to my self and not worry about a single thing. I've learned that my identity is in Christ and there isn't a thing that can changed that. My emotions will not be tossed and turned by the things of this world. 

I've fallen in such deep love for God. Everyday he's becoming more and more real to me. Trusting him and staying away from sin is becoming much easier. It all makes sense now, this whole time I've been trying to put my trust in God and it's failed terribly because how can you really put your trust in someone until you really know who that person is. When it comes to sin, instead of a law we must keep it's had become much easier just pleasing God. The best example is when I was child my parents used to ask us to do chores and I dreaded it, doing the bare minimum until they said its done and I would run back to what I was doing. Then there would be times when they were away I cleaned up the whole house and even went the extra mile to surprise them when they came back. And when they did, how much were they pleased.

This verse on top really makes me wonder and it reminds me of a mothers love. Did you know you can ask anyone the reason they love someone or love something, and they can always find a reason to give you? Except if you were to ask a mother why she loves her child. If anything this would baffle her, because she probably doesn't know. All she knows is that she just loves her child no matter what. God is good, and according to this verse the author of Peter if saying though you have not seen him, you love him and you will not be able to explain this joy you have from loving him.

 

God, you are good but I am horrible. Though we are good now, I know some where down the road I will fail horribly and go back to square one. Please, I can't do it on my own. Keep me strong everyday and be reminded of who you are. I love you. In Christ name, Amen.

Love, grace and all can't be escaped.

Im starting to see a few of my friends start to interest about God. This brings much joy to my heart. Why? I must say I don't know. It's very strange to me. Maybe I am literally blessed because I see them being with me in eternity.

I was thinking to my self, though there are so much evil in this world. God is doing amazing thing things everyday. His grace is forever willing and his love no one can escape from. 

We disobey our maker, spay on him, hung him and killed him. Then he forgives us! How can we hate the one who forgives us for wronging him. One day, all will believe. 

This brings much hot to my heart. Join the club I say. There is no cover, it is paid for, just come on in a try it out. Our members will take care of you, and make sure you come hungry because we love feeding you. Blessed are the poor and meek!!! For there is the kingdom of heaven!!!!!!!!

Wooooot woooot woooooot wooooot woot victory!!!!!! God has own and we are on the winning team!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhh goo crazyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

Father, keep me close to you and never let me go. I'm probably doing everything wrong but you're doing eveything right and I'll just follow and not worry!!!!!! My o my this cross is heavy, but what a blessing to have you carrying it with me. I love you <3.

Dying to myself.

As the weeks go by of me getting back to track with Christ, I'm starting to see that I am dying to my self. Slowly but surely. I take it in a different perspective now. I used to see dying to my self as not caring for what I want and only seek for Gods kingdom. I realize that this way was completely wrong and so difficult and God himself wants to bless us as well not only in heaven but the things in this world.

 

So instead of not caring for my desires and driving my self crazy, now I just let God take the wheel. There are plenty of things that I want material or relationship, but now I'm not worried. This time is very different, I let him take the wheel and I'm not worried at all. I am 95% convinced that he will take care of me. Only reason why I say 95 instead of 100 is because I know I will fail and I know there will be times that I will doubt.

There will be days that are difficult, and everyday God will be there to knock on my door to remind me. 

Wow this freedom feels amazing though, not having to worry what will happen to me. This sense of peace that nothing else can offer.

Gods been good, and I pray that he will continue to work with me. It is definTely I who is changing me but him. I'm beginning to be more graceful, kind, and more aware of my sins and try to stay away from them. This time not because of obeyin laws and commands but pleasing him. I guess the best analogy is cleaning the house, God is my father and wants me to clean the house for him. I used to see it as a chore but now while he's away I clean up everything even go the extra mile so he can come home and be so pleased with me.

God, i say all these things under humility at the same time, because I am scared that I might fail. Keep me strong and everyday help me re-live the Gospel and remind me who you really are and who I really am to you. Remind me I am your son and you are well pleased. Help me trust you with all that I have and all that I want. If I want to go left but your will for me is to go right tug my heart gently and lead me. Thank you father, in your sons name i pray. Amen.

The God who brings.

Instead of "deliver" lets put it in terms where it's simple. Let use bring, and our god brings. This morning I stumbled upon a song that was so true especially for me right now.

[VERSE 1]

Oh you bring hope to the hopeless

And light to those in the darkness

And death to life

Now I’m alive

Oh You gives peace to the restless

And joy to homes that are broken

I see You now

In You I’m found

[CHORUS]

And You opened the door for me

And you laid down

Your life to set me free

All that I am will serve You Lord

And You opened my eyes to see

All the wonder and awe of Christ in me

Jesus You’re everything I need

[VERSE 2]

Oh you fill those who are empty

And rescue those in the valley

And through it all You calm my soul

Oh you find me in my weakness

And heal the wounds of my heartache

I worship You in spirit and truth

[BRIDGE]

All honour

All glory

All praise to You

I'm beginning to realize walking with God isn't always a time where you jump for joy. Im getting better, I feel that not only I am getting better, but I am getting better than I ever was. God is good, let's just end it here for today.

Colossians 2:9-10 

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. 

New day, new hope

Good morning, thank God there are new days. I woke up this morning feeling very new ans refreshed. I realized something interesting, maybe god allows you to stumble; but never trampled, lets you wounded, but never die. 

I begin to see a change of attitude this morning, instead of talking, commanding, thinking, and wondering. I am listening from the sounds of traffic to the tracks of Gods praise. I begin to realize that even the sounds of traffic screams gods love for us. If there are sounds, that means that there are life. Gods grandness makes me feel at peace, I am in the hands of greatness. He who commands all things and controls all things in the heavens and all of the world holds my heart at well.

Recently I remembered watching a video on Facebook and someone said "universe, uni means one and verse means say". In genesis God said let there be light and the heavens and the earth was made. From the breath of God we were made, he controls all things and according to him nothing can change without his permission.

Yes, today is a new day. My joy is coming back to me, joy to the most simplest things,I looked at the storm and rain last night and I said "everything is beautiful". I'm getting better, now I just have to make sure I turn the pages and let god write in it.

I am done trying, I am done trying to be right, I am done telling God what to do, and I am done with these feelings of mine. Who I am, is more than what my emotions make me feel like. My identity is in Christ and he doesn't change, therefore I should not either.

Thank you Abba,

Hillsong United-Rest in you

I dont know how later will be, but as of now i am good and i will cherish this moment

Hillsong United-Rest in you (on repeat)


Your faithfullness endures always
Where mountains fall and reason fails
And You calm the raging seas
And You calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in You
All I know is I find rest in You

My heart will praise throughout the night
Where singing seems a sacrifice
Your grace is all I need
Your grace is all I need

Broken, and can be only fixed by maker.

I started being on fire, where all I wanted to do was to serve God, please god and be close to God. Then, the fire went away and lived a average mediocre life. After some time I got cold, I was slipping away from God, what mattered to me before didn't matter as much. Then, I started to become unhappy, the joy I once had was gone. This time was a little bit different besides my joy in Christ was fading away my personal joy was also gone. And now, now I am upset, sad, and angry hurting my family and friends. I am not aware of what I do. I don't know why I feel this sense of resentment or bitterness. I feel like I need to control everything and the harder I try to hold on something the more it slips out of my hand.

I feel so broken I feel that I'm not doing anything I was called to do or anything that is close. I don't know how I am broken, what made me become like this and what it is I can do to fix it. All I know is that this problem can be only fixed by God himself. 

Everyday I hope for signs from God, I force my self to look out for signs of him, answers, encouragement, but can't find anything. I tried to obey and force myself to read amongst his words maybe something will tell me what it is and speaks to me. 

What fears me the most is that it is getting worst, more bitterness, sadness, anger, and judgementalness. Just today a friend confronted me about my reckless behavior, and I realized I needed a time out. They have done nothing wrong to me but I am so ungrateful. These burst of anger and rage gets me into trouble, I say words that I can't take back. What was once the loving character in me is now gone. I find people's mistake and I hurt them for it. Maybe I'm so weak myself, so weak that I feel like if I point out the wrongs of others I might feel a little bit less vulnerable.

Loneliness, the level of loneliness that I feel is unbearable. I search for acknowledgement to fill that space, when I am satisfied it becomes a drug for me until my next fix. When I am let down I become like a storm destroying everything in my way including my self. I tell my self that I am in control and it feels amazing, but now I realize I am not in control at all. I tried to control others but my soul is raging inside me, it is recklessly bouncing back and fourth. The irony of trying to control others, when I have no control at all in my self.

These Christian songs, these wonderful sermons, these daily verses, and these words of wisdom from friends. They give me faith and hope, but the hope withers away like melting ice in the sun. Yes, yes that is exactly what it is, my hope is ice, and what ever my problem is, it acts as a scorching sun. It is ready to not only melt me away, but completely dry me out.

I tell my self maybe this loneliness I feel is because I am single without a mate, and this feeling will eventually go away once I am settled down. But no, no a mate will be enough. These feels, these holes, these scars, this unsatisfacation can be only filled by God. Broken, and can only be fixed by my maker.

O joy of mine, where have you gone to? O God of mine, when will you come for me? O heart of mine, how much more can you bare? 

God, hear my cry, and see my wounds. I am in desperate need of you. What ever that is broken cannot function, and what ever that is broken can not be used and must be thrown away. Please save me from this that I know not of. I believe, I do believe that you are greater than all these. Show me your heart for me, let me put my fingers through your wounds, and let me look through

your punctured hand. I am weak God and cannot stand, please carry me and treat me like a child. In Christ name, Amen.

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23 NIV)

Is so true that the bible speaks to you differently every time you read it. This was the verse of the day and for some reasons I was screaming out to me. The difference between Christianity and religion is other people try to go to god in ither religions but Christianity god comes to us. In here the writer of Romans is saying eternal life is a gift. Have you ever given to a gift to someone, the feeling of it is just amazing. It's like even if they don't want it, you just want them to just take it. And when they accepts it and receives it, it makes you feel so amazing, words can't express when someone receives what you give them and loves it. God died..... For us. Sometimes I think that it's either amazing or pathetic that it took a god to die for us to forgive our sins. Thank you god, I will never repay you for what you've done.

Can't have disciples without discipline.

God is big. Recently I've realized how big our god really is, and I'm having the difficulty giving the respect he deserves. Of course I love my god with all my heart but what I mean is to be more fearful of him. It's so hard for me to see him as a fearing god who can take everything away to creating planets. At the moment I still see him as my savior and friend. I've been trying to discipline myself into doing so but it isn't easy. I always have God in my mind and I always do small prayers here and there but I haven't made a time of the day where I dedicate my self to him. Through this I realized how little self control over my self. Although all this is going on I'm surprised that I haven't fallen astray due to my lack of obedience. Usually I feel pretty disappointed at myself whenever I fail at something, but at the moment the more I fail the more I feel like running to God. The best example would be a father helping his son with homework, and every time he fails he just doesn't want to try anymore and wants to play catch with his dad. I'm frustrated at the same time a glad that I'm going through this in my life. I can feel that God is building a part of me that hasn't been touched for while. Breaking me, and remaking me into his child. I want to be set apart, I want to not only love everyone but be able to encourage everyone with his words. Keep me strong, and hopeful, in Christ name.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

It is so crazy that this is the verse of the day! I so needed this! I truly believe that God is about to do something amazing in my life. He is opening to many opportunities for me. Recently I was told to make a business proposal for a large caffe franchise. Upon on creating this proposal I really felt that God was with me every step of the way. Though I am so blessed from God I must keep focus and remember it is not myself who has gone this far but the father. It is also very very easy to lose focus. Instead of focusing on God who has given this blessing to you, it is easy to stray and constantly focus on the blessing it self. I want to remain faithful in God while I continue this journey with him because without him It won't be according to his will. My prayers actually been pretty funny in the last few days and of this week. It's been something like this, "God I know I shouldn't pray for wealth and success l but God you know my heart so let your will be done." Though this is a huge opportunity I will not be upset if it is turned down. I've seen what God can do and he is on my team so he can do it again. 

God let your will be done. I surrender to you and will hold on to your strength alone and not my own. Please guide me through this and mold me to something greater for your kingdom. Is Christ name. Amen

A King for a slave.

This will be my first blog on blogger. Today I stumbled on something very interesting and humbling. I was listening to a song from hillsong and one of the verses in there said "a king for a slave". This made me realize how much just god loves us. Reminded me that God was not just a king but king of all kings. Yet this king came down to earth struggles with us and lived the life we lived then even died for our sins. Recently I've been thinking about God like crazy. I can't really figure out what it really is that I want...... I want him to be here physically I guess or I want his presence to overwhelm me. I feel like he is calling me to so something and I just don't know what it is. Although I realized how much I've changed over the year. Since then my heart has been much bigger and always trying to help others, but I feel thag there is more. I spoke to my pastor and he told me sometimes God calls us to be still and wait. Do I feel like this cause I feel alone? Will being productive in The Lord make me more whole? There's a fire in me that just want to inspire and bring people closer to god. I just don't know how and what to do. Right now I feel very medium. Not up or down but not content... Which I guess brings down. Do I really understand your death and depth on the cross? That alone I should be content. It's like you've given me everything and I say I want more. I want more in you though God... But is that the same and just as bad? I guess the only thing I can say or do is "thy kingdom come thy will be done". Still I feel this calling...this urge....this emptiness I must fill and close... Is this emptiness that I'm feeling coming from me? Am I afraid to admit it? If it is what must I do? I guess I can only turn the pages while you write my story.